The nature of intimacy and self-identity changed radically over the last century. The disruption between sex and procreation enabled the emergence of new forms of gender relations and contributed towards the legitimacy of a sexuality mainly focused on pleasure, as a mean of self-realization and as an expression of intimacy. Even though, despite the popular claim that heterosexual couples are becoming more equal, with supporting evidence suggesting that most individuals now approach close relations with expectations of mutual emotional support and romantic love, personal relationships remain highly gendered. This empirical research is supported by 25 in-depth interviews of men and women, aged between 21 and 71, from different social backgrounds, representing a range of sexual function experiences and intents to explore how individuals construct their etiquette of sexual behaviour. We use a scripting approach to understand the meanings of sexual function from a lay perspective, focusing primarily on the larger gender structures that shape sexual behaviour. We have reached an empirical model of sexual experiences, focused on three major dimensions: intimacy, sexual behaviour and sexual problems narratives. The model has allowed the construction of four ideal-types of sexual experiences: Rigid conservative, in which gender scripts are rigid in terms of sexual moral and behaviour; Traditional attenuated, in which there is an attenuation of gender inequity and a growing individualization of sexual biographies; Resilient, in which individuals demonstrate resilience towards gender inequity and there is an opportunity for sexual scripts change; Confluent transformative, in which participants best represent the ideals of ‘confluent love’ and ‘pure relationship.’ These results support the claim that intimacy and sexuality are multi-dimensional. In everyday life, both parties in an intimate relationship have to deal with the gap between cultural norms and structural inequalities through the development of a series of particular self and relationship maintaining strategies.

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Intimacy,Scripting theory,Sexual experiences,‘Pure relationship’,Gender inequalities,Portugal